I Just Wanna Free-Fall For A While

This summer has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life - I've seen so many amazing places and done so many amazing things... and these aren't even half of the photos! I'm still waiting to process my pictures from the reef, for example!

Major thanks to Lilla, Meg, my Queensland cousins, my parents and my brother for making this summer as amazing as it was. I love you all more than you know.

Don't forget to remember me,

 x A

Three Months, Three Weeks and Some Days

With Meg at an Australia Day pool party

Three months, three weeks, some days: the time I have left in Australia is dwindling ridiculously quickly! It's Friday today, and my final semester here starts on Tuesday. And, honestly, I'm wondering where all the time has gone to!

I've done a lot and seen a lot, but there is still a whole load I want to do before I leave, and as I think I've mentioned once or twice, I don't really want to leave. I love this country with a passion.

Having so little time left is giving me a whole different perspective on my exchange, though. Three months is nothing - even with the three weeks added in for good measure. The seven and a bit months I've been here so far has gone in the blink of an eye, and so I am more determined than ever to make use of every last second I have here.

The thing which is getting me down, though, is that I've recently had some serious medical issues which essentially boil down to "burn out". I've been diagnosed with an extreme need to rest, sleep, relax and eat more often. I know that I need to do this or I'm seriously risking my health in the future, but I don't want to! I want to live every minute as much as I can. I want to make this time worthwhile.

"Losers' corner" - we pretty much such at card games!

In the past week, a few other things have happened which have made this hit home, too. The new ressies at my college have moved in - and the guys on my floor this year are absolutely amazing. I love them to bits, and I'm having so much fun with them (see above). 

And, I got a new job. It's a job I love more than I can realistically explain, and it's a job I'm actually good at. I wake up in the morning and think "yay! I'm going to work today!". I smile at the thought of my lovely customers and my awesome boss. I don't want to leave my job. I don't want to leave my friends.

And so... a plan. This semester, I'm going to throw myself in to everything I can with as much energy as I can muster. I'm going to do everything I can do here which I can't do at home - including playing Quidditch (!) if I can, and tech-ing as many shows as physically possible. I'm going to go to my favourite cafes as much as I can, and savour the food I can eat here which I can't get at home.

But, for my sanity and health, I'm going to firmly implement two rules, which I need the help of my friends in Australia and at home to make sure I implement...

• I am going to learn to say "no". If you ask me to do something, and I don't want to, this semester I am going to turn round and tell you so. Sorry!
• I am going to pull my head out of the past, and learn to live in the present. Take my hand, 'cause this might be our last chance to let go - to let go of the past
  

Fireworks over Sydney Harbour Bridge, New Year 2011/12

So, Happy New Semester, one and all - here's to the last three months being the very, very best three months. And, here's to returning to Australia as soon as physically possible. As the lovely Meg pointed out, "you only need the money for flights. Plenty of people will let you crash on their floor!"

And, to those of you back home, see y'all in three months, three weeks and some days! (Probably!)

Don't forget to remember me,

x A

Always Telling Stories

For as long as I can remember, I have been a dreamer. I've told myself a thousand stories about things which have never happened, and a thousand stories about things which I know to be true. I've written whole relationships in my mind from a single glance, and I've planned myself a thousand different futures with every changing whim.

And, lately, I've started wondering what that is doing to me.

Recently, one of my friends asked me to share a story about something I have experienced, to contribute to a project she is working on, and I knew, the second I saw her request, exactly which story I wanted to tell her. Because, even though I tell myself a thousand stories every day, there is one which I know to define me in so many ways.

It's a story I never used to want to tell, but it's one which has come to define me so much that the only way to stop it is to tell it. And so, I did, and I have.

But, it got me thinking: I remember very few specifics about the way this one story came about. I remember so very little about one of the most defining back-stories of my life. I know what I think happened, but I have no idea, in reality, how much of it I made up.

And that is terrifying to me.

In the words of one of the characters I've written lately,

My father says that I have been a day-dreamer all my life, and he’s right. I have. I can spin anything into a story, if you give me long enough. I can write a romance from a glance, and a nightmare from a word. My life is built on tales I’ve told myself, and the wrongs in my life have never been solved properly, because I have always been so busy correcting them the ideal way in my head.

Re-reading those words I realised how true they are of me, myself, and not just of my character. When you reach a point in your life when the stories are more real to you than the actual events, it's maybe time to step back, I think.

Perhaps, it's time to be realistic. Perhaps it's time to stop dreaming. Perhaps, for once, it's time to live in the real world.

I was a dreamer before you and it let me down,

x A